Teaching

I never imagined that I could be a teacher. Especially not in the immediate future. But here I am, teaching part-time, with more than 60 16 to 18 year olds under my care. Almost nightmarish.

Two weeks ago, I got an early morning call from the college asking me to come to their office for an interview that same day. I was barely awake then and I was a little disoriented, so I said yes. Vaguely, I remembered that I made my resume available long ago, when I was bored and looking around for something else to do without thinking too much about it. I didn't think that something would come out of it.

I arrived at the school not knowing what to expect. I wasn't even nervous; it all seemed comical to me during that time. I went right up to the HR office where they told me the dean would be inteviewing me. The dean!

To make the long story short, the 3-minute interview went by like a blur. Suddenly the dean smiled and said, "Welcome to the school!" Before I knew it, my teaching load was being printed and I will be teaching the very next day.

I was in shock. I was suddenly nervous and queasy and confused. What have I gotten myself in to, I wondered. I wasn't sure if teaching was cut out for me, and what can I possibly teach my students? I was losing heart with every step closer to the classroom. The thought of the teacher being more afraid than the student made me chuckle. It sounded ridiculous.

Facing the sea of students, I reached for the remaining dregs of confidence left in me and began the class, starting with getting to know yous and the basic stuff that teachers say during the first day. Eventually, as days went by I felt myself loosening up and enjoying the hours. Sure, some of the students are rowdy, bordering on disrespect even. I wonder if I should get angry, show them some authority. But somehow, I couldn't do it. I look at them thoughtfully and request them to participate in the discussion, counting on kindness once again -- hoping that if you believe enough in the students, they will start believing in themselves as well.

Another unavoidable and inevitable part of teaching is the paperwork and preparation for class. The mountain of papers to check. Sixty different handwritings to decipher. It has become even more time-comsuming than my full-time job. I get exhausted juggling both every single day.

Last week, after I have dismissed the class, one of my students commented loudly, "Ma'am... you seem to be a very kind person." (Students guffaw and started ribbing each other) "No, seriously," said my student, "You're a very good teacher."

And now here I am, thinking about all these on my way back to Batangas, staring out the window as I think about all the other things I can impart to my students so that they can learn how to make sense of the millions of choices that they have before them.