Pagkatapos ng IAP biglang nag-iba ang mundo ko. Dati rati, araw-araw ka may ka meet na mga classmates. Ngayon, mag isa na lang ako. Ang hirap na nilang hagilapin, malungkot tuloy. At dahil nakaonline naman lahat, pwede ngang hindi pumasok. One time inemail ko teacher ko nung excuse letter for the conference di siya nagreply.
Tapos nung nagmeet kami sa class, may announcement siya said in a very warm tone: This is postgrad, it doesn’t matter if you show up in class or not. For as long as you pass the requirements, it’s fine. Nyay, hagip ako. Nagiging polite lang naman ako ah. Anyway, si Gwyneth yun.
Nakakatuwa dito kasi ang dami-dami ko ng readings. Ang technique ko: buhay ang text. Interact with it. Kaya ang mga piniprint ko na readings duguan. Mega react ako sa mga claims. Kung nakakapagsalita lang ang papel sasabihin niya: wag namang masyadong diinan ang pagsulat kasi masakit, at pakigandahan ang sulat, tingnan mo dumi-dumi ko na. Hahahhaha!
Bago ako umalis ng Pilipinas, priority ko talaga yung music sa laptop ko. Nung binili ko siya may mga nilagay na music yung mama natuwa naman ako. Magaganda yung tugtog. So nung nag-aaral ako one time, nagpatugtog ako. Maganda umpisa. Soothing. Nag umpisa na si Sheryn Regis. Tapos yung binabasa ko development planning na may mga kung anu anong issues, pero napapangiti ako. Pero basa lang ako. ‘Development planners blah blah...” tapos bibirit na din si Sheryn. Naiimagine ko siya sa ASAP, the jukebox princess. Mabuti na lang mataas talaga boses niya, ang taas.
Kagabi naman si Ninna. Binabasa ko about sa mga problema ng partnership ng world bank at mga NGOs. Background ko, “If I should love again”. Naiiyak naman ako. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa sinasapit ng mga NGOs sa pakikipagcollaborate sa WB or dahil kay Ninna. At ayun, bumirit na si Ninna habang ako naman ay napahawak ng mahigpit sa mesa at mas lumapit sa laptop. Grabe apektado ng emosyon ng kanta ang pagbabasa ko. Tapos parang yung nasa isip ko na, may iniwan??? Wala naman. Asan siya sa binabasa ko? Hindi, mali yung kay Ninna ang may iniwan. Whew! Haahhaha!
By the way, new acquisition (parang library), meron na akong bagong printer kasi ang hirap magbasa mula sa laptop nakakasira ng mata. Yihee!!! And take note napagana ko printer ko mag-isa. As in dinibdib ko ang pagbabasa ng manual. Dito daw to, ipasok ang cartridge. Ayan, pasok! Then hinga ako. Anon a? I-on daw ang printer. Hinga. Iinstall ang printer. Hinga ng napakalalim. Asan ang CD??? Asan??? Ay heto. Install, basta yes lang ng yes, pag na no ka di naman matutuloy pag install. Pwede ng mag try magprint. Naku sana OK to. Bat may pawis ako e malamig naman??HAhhaha! ayan, nag print! Palakpak!!! Kung nakikita lang ako ng mga housemates ko baka natakot na sila sakin. Hahhaha!
Have a good day!
An Open TY Letter
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
To HASS Community:
Peace in Christ!
Thank you very much for giving me a chance to be part of the recently concluded Live-In Vocation Discernment Seminar last weekend.
It was a wisdom-filled, enriching and unforgettable experience for me.
I never felt that ‘welcome’ since I decided not to join the La Salle brothers’ postulancy program last 2006. As I implicitly said on my personal testimony on the last part of the program – the 3-day experience brought me back to the day I made a pact with the Lord that I will serve Him for the rest of my life.
As I am deeply moved by the experience, let me share with you my reflections as my way of saying ‘thank you’
As emphasized on the CASA talk by Father Dave, the desire to serve the Lord is not enough as a ground to enter the seminary and be one of the “priests-in-process”. I may agree with it, there should be the total surrender and the inner desire of serving because of the Love he gave us. Love that may come in different forms and cannot be measured by sight but by another heart formed in the likeness of God – full of love, compassion and mercy.
I learned a lot from this weekend activity and I am happy that as I head back home, I am challenged to go through the Paschal mystery of daily lives as presented by Father John. It is not enough that I experienced passion and resurrection, death is given emphasized as well. It is so timely that this activity falls on a Lenten season, that as I reflected deeper, this reminds me of the central theme of the Lenten season -- being with Christ in His sufferings, His death, and His resurrection. It is through death, self-mortification and dying of oneself, that a person may be compared to an ash that brings forth a new life.
Another lesson I imbibed is to have a life that is centered on Christ alone – there I learned how to be less of me and how to be more of Christ – an ‘alter Christus’.
I am very nervous by then when I was asked to speak on stage. I invoked the Holy Spirit to guide me because I really don’t know what to say. I even blurted-out, that I felt like humiliated, though what I meant was I really felt humbled. (A slip of a tongue but may still have meaning. I just laughed when I recalled these words – very humiliating..i mean..very humbling) Indeed the vocation program was a big humbling experience, an awakening that brought about a deeper sense of spiritual renewal and re-commitment to live with and in Christ alone.
I told myself, while at the duration of the seminar, that regardless of the decision of the resident priest formators, as lead by Father Rector, I would humbly accept it; for the 3-day live-in program itself strengthened my relationship with the Lord. Though I also learned that it is not enough that I knew Him, it is not enough that I follow His precepts, it is not enough that I study His decrees; it is not enough that I express my love of neighbors. But it is by standing boldly in front of the public, bearing the image of Christ and proclaiming the Gospel – which I believe was something observed that needs to be developed in me if I wanted to give my life fully for His own cause and will.
I am not yet as clear as the glass in the flash light that could reflect Christ to the community for I appear to be so full of myself. But as I reflect on the bright full moon hovering over the fields last night, I asked myself: would it also be okay to compare a priest to a moon, that despite its craters of different diameters and of its other flaws, it remains to reflect a bright and shining light to the people in the darkest hour of the night. And that brightness and the light that it could give can at times only be noticed when, man-made source of light and of power --the electricity, fails us? And for all we know we are wanting to see a light, perfect in its circular form but perhaps it is not yet full moon, when we have a glanced of it, and all the while the moon stood as round as it is with all its imperfections but it continually gives light not on the fullest form that we wanted to see but maybe it is still on its waxing phase?
I admit that I really felt bad upon receiving the note that I did not make it. It even adds-up to my affirmation about God that He is indeed humorous. He allowed me to receive a message that I passed and I qualified to take the exam this coming Sunday (March 7) because He knew that I prayed to received that message but I think I missed something on my prayer. I should have stated on my prayer that I will receive the congratulatory message and it is for real and not just wrongly send.
This at first hand was indeed as I tagged it was a ‘sweet rejection’ for as a whole, this experience, brings me back to my old senses, to my old commitment with Him yet at the same time as I actually feel it – it gives a sudden kick of sadness, of grieving and of death. I feel sorry and mournful for the day I refused to enter into formation four years ago. For the fact that behind my statement that I wanted to augment our family income that time, I am still afraid to face myself, I am afraid to undergo psychological testing for it may expose things that I am afraid of, things that I don’t want to face. But here I am now, laying down my cards, fully ready to whatever the results may provide, has been denied to continue on with what I initially thought was already the will of God.
Indeed, the message indicated that I am not qualified to go for the next step and I need to submit to it for HASS knew well what’s best for me; for they are the anointed ones to gather the called and selected few. HASS as I learned about since 2001 may not only be the place where I thought my seed of vocation will be properly nourished and sustained for its growth. For my role is limited to keep my seed of vocation safe and select the place where it will eventually grow and mature for I can’t predict what tree it will become and what capacity of fruits it can produce. My sense of being in the case of a seed would only last before it breaks, after it broken fully it will give life for a newer me, something I don’t know yet but only God and those, who manages the house for the seeds of vocation, knew.
And I will leave it at that, it is not really my will that will be followed, it is still the will of God that will always prevail.
As I would like to emphasize, thank you for giving me a chance to reach the application process this far, it is an experience that is really worth remembering. And on a personal note, HASS achieved the goal of making the live-in vocation discernment seminar experience more than just the ordinary experience of being with the seminarians, priests and other affiliates and got the sense of living inside the vicinity of the seminary. It is also an experience that enriches oneself as an individual who continually seeks for the Lord and His will at all times – and it has been true for me.
At a lighter note, given the chance that I will be accepted for a live-in seminar, I would pray all the more, I would not just pray that I will receive a congratulatory note but I will also pray harder that I will go straight right into the finish line not because it is my own heart’s desire but the desire of God who resides in my heart. And I would like to look forward for the day that I would thank again HASS for their wisdom that brought me to the place where I truly belong.
May Mary, Seat of wisdom, continue to bless and guide you all the more as inspired St. John Marie Vianney’s search for deeper understanding of going beyond intellectual emptiness with St. Paul, who seen Christ--- source of true light, later than all the disciples and St. Francis, who learned lessons from his brother moon and friends from seeds and trees, all the time.
God bless you always!
Committed to bear Christ,
Christopher Castillo
Peace in Christ!
Thank you very much for giving me a chance to be part of the recently concluded Live-In Vocation Discernment Seminar last weekend.
It was a wisdom-filled, enriching and unforgettable experience for me.
I never felt that ‘welcome’ since I decided not to join the La Salle brothers’ postulancy program last 2006. As I implicitly said on my personal testimony on the last part of the program – the 3-day experience brought me back to the day I made a pact with the Lord that I will serve Him for the rest of my life.
As I am deeply moved by the experience, let me share with you my reflections as my way of saying ‘thank you’
As emphasized on the CASA talk by Father Dave, the desire to serve the Lord is not enough as a ground to enter the seminary and be one of the “priests-in-process”. I may agree with it, there should be the total surrender and the inner desire of serving because of the Love he gave us. Love that may come in different forms and cannot be measured by sight but by another heart formed in the likeness of God – full of love, compassion and mercy.
I learned a lot from this weekend activity and I am happy that as I head back home, I am challenged to go through the Paschal mystery of daily lives as presented by Father John. It is not enough that I experienced passion and resurrection, death is given emphasized as well. It is so timely that this activity falls on a Lenten season, that as I reflected deeper, this reminds me of the central theme of the Lenten season -- being with Christ in His sufferings, His death, and His resurrection. It is through death, self-mortification and dying of oneself, that a person may be compared to an ash that brings forth a new life.
Another lesson I imbibed is to have a life that is centered on Christ alone – there I learned how to be less of me and how to be more of Christ – an ‘alter Christus’.
I am very nervous by then when I was asked to speak on stage. I invoked the Holy Spirit to guide me because I really don’t know what to say. I even blurted-out, that I felt like humiliated, though what I meant was I really felt humbled. (A slip of a tongue but may still have meaning. I just laughed when I recalled these words – very humiliating..i mean..very humbling) Indeed the vocation program was a big humbling experience, an awakening that brought about a deeper sense of spiritual renewal and re-commitment to live with and in Christ alone.
I told myself, while at the duration of the seminar, that regardless of the decision of the resident priest formators, as lead by Father Rector, I would humbly accept it; for the 3-day live-in program itself strengthened my relationship with the Lord. Though I also learned that it is not enough that I knew Him, it is not enough that I follow His precepts, it is not enough that I study His decrees; it is not enough that I express my love of neighbors. But it is by standing boldly in front of the public, bearing the image of Christ and proclaiming the Gospel – which I believe was something observed that needs to be developed in me if I wanted to give my life fully for His own cause and will.
I am not yet as clear as the glass in the flash light that could reflect Christ to the community for I appear to be so full of myself. But as I reflect on the bright full moon hovering over the fields last night, I asked myself: would it also be okay to compare a priest to a moon, that despite its craters of different diameters and of its other flaws, it remains to reflect a bright and shining light to the people in the darkest hour of the night. And that brightness and the light that it could give can at times only be noticed when, man-made source of light and of power --the electricity, fails us? And for all we know we are wanting to see a light, perfect in its circular form but perhaps it is not yet full moon, when we have a glanced of it, and all the while the moon stood as round as it is with all its imperfections but it continually gives light not on the fullest form that we wanted to see but maybe it is still on its waxing phase?
I admit that I really felt bad upon receiving the note that I did not make it. It even adds-up to my affirmation about God that He is indeed humorous. He allowed me to receive a message that I passed and I qualified to take the exam this coming Sunday (March 7) because He knew that I prayed to received that message but I think I missed something on my prayer. I should have stated on my prayer that I will receive the congratulatory message and it is for real and not just wrongly send.
This at first hand was indeed as I tagged it was a ‘sweet rejection’ for as a whole, this experience, brings me back to my old senses, to my old commitment with Him yet at the same time as I actually feel it – it gives a sudden kick of sadness, of grieving and of death. I feel sorry and mournful for the day I refused to enter into formation four years ago. For the fact that behind my statement that I wanted to augment our family income that time, I am still afraid to face myself, I am afraid to undergo psychological testing for it may expose things that I am afraid of, things that I don’t want to face. But here I am now, laying down my cards, fully ready to whatever the results may provide, has been denied to continue on with what I initially thought was already the will of God.
Indeed, the message indicated that I am not qualified to go for the next step and I need to submit to it for HASS knew well what’s best for me; for they are the anointed ones to gather the called and selected few. HASS as I learned about since 2001 may not only be the place where I thought my seed of vocation will be properly nourished and sustained for its growth. For my role is limited to keep my seed of vocation safe and select the place where it will eventually grow and mature for I can’t predict what tree it will become and what capacity of fruits it can produce. My sense of being in the case of a seed would only last before it breaks, after it broken fully it will give life for a newer me, something I don’t know yet but only God and those, who manages the house for the seeds of vocation, knew.
And I will leave it at that, it is not really my will that will be followed, it is still the will of God that will always prevail.
As I would like to emphasize, thank you for giving me a chance to reach the application process this far, it is an experience that is really worth remembering. And on a personal note, HASS achieved the goal of making the live-in vocation discernment seminar experience more than just the ordinary experience of being with the seminarians, priests and other affiliates and got the sense of living inside the vicinity of the seminary. It is also an experience that enriches oneself as an individual who continually seeks for the Lord and His will at all times – and it has been true for me.
At a lighter note, given the chance that I will be accepted for a live-in seminar, I would pray all the more, I would not just pray that I will receive a congratulatory note but I will also pray harder that I will go straight right into the finish line not because it is my own heart’s desire but the desire of God who resides in my heart. And I would like to look forward for the day that I would thank again HASS for their wisdom that brought me to the place where I truly belong.
May Mary, Seat of wisdom, continue to bless and guide you all the more as inspired St. John Marie Vianney’s search for deeper understanding of going beyond intellectual emptiness with St. Paul, who seen Christ--- source of true light, later than all the disciples and St. Francis, who learned lessons from his brother moon and friends from seeds and trees, all the time.
God bless you always!
Committed to bear Christ,
Christopher Castillo
Nga naman
Hi guys! Nagumpisa na ang klase dito sa UQ, at nagulat talaga ako. I never knew it can be so crowded here. Anyway, may mga hindi ako nakuwento.
Yung Thai na kaklase ko sa Introductory course naming dito for AusAid scholars nagsabi ng matagal na niyang kinikimkim nung nagkaroon kami ng socials. Kahalubilo namin mga girls and some guys din from other countries.
Thai: You are very lucky you are not in the same course with Jaime.
Me and everybody else:????
Thai: because he will dominate you. (sabay ngiti).
Ako naman, parang hmmm, ganun??? Hahahha!
Tapos nung session namin with our Ausaid coordinators. Nasa isang malaking lecture hall kami mga 100 kami lahat nun na AusAid scholars.
Coordinator: If you want to use your enrichment allowance, please put in your request editing not proofreading. I don’t really know the difference, but put editing not proofreading.
Me: I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE (HAHAHAHAHA)
Coordinator: (Titingnan muna ako) You do.
Me: Yup. Editing, it has two levels: mechanical and substantial editing. Blah blah....
Crowd: (Tawa) Hahahha!
Parang, the epal from the Philippines strikes again.
Yung Thai na kaklase ko sa Introductory course naming dito for AusAid scholars nagsabi ng matagal na niyang kinikimkim nung nagkaroon kami ng socials. Kahalubilo namin mga girls and some guys din from other countries.
Thai: You are very lucky you are not in the same course with Jaime.
Me and everybody else:????
Thai: because he will dominate you. (sabay ngiti).
Ako naman, parang hmmm, ganun??? Hahahha!
Tapos nung session namin with our Ausaid coordinators. Nasa isang malaking lecture hall kami mga 100 kami lahat nun na AusAid scholars.
Coordinator: If you want to use your enrichment allowance, please put in your request editing not proofreading. I don’t really know the difference, but put editing not proofreading.
Me: I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE (HAHAHAHAHA)
Coordinator: (Titingnan muna ako) You do.
Me: Yup. Editing, it has two levels: mechanical and substantial editing. Blah blah....
Crowd: (Tawa) Hahahha!
Parang, the epal from the Philippines strikes again.
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